Sequins, Psychedelics, and £20 Water Bottles: Festival Trends You Can’t Escape (Even If You Wanted To)”

Ah, festival season: that hallowed time of year when the youth (and youth-adjacent) emerge from winter hibernation to chase vibes across dusty fields, Instagrammable deserts, and whatever Scandinavian tundra now hosts an experimental drone-music gathering. If you’ve been wondering what’s in this year on the festival circuit—and what’s merely ironically in—don your crochet bucket hat and read on.

1. Outfits Inspired by Astral Projections

Coachella used to be flower crowns and fringe. Now, it’s less “boho” and more “interdimensional elf meets space archaeologist.” Think mesh everything, metallic makeup applied with a trowel, and clothing that appears to be held together by good vibes and a dreamcatcher. If your outfit doesn’t make TSA nervous, you’re not doing it right.

2. The Rise of Eco-Guilt Glam

Sustainability is chic, but also deeply confusing. You might see a TikTok influencer sipping ethically-sourced cactus water out of a repurposed goat horn while wearing a biodegradable jumpsuit made entirely of kelp. This is called carbon-neutral fabulousness. Bonus points if your outfit composts itself before the headliner.

3. Spirituality, But Make It Marketable

Gone are the days of simply listening to music and dehydrating. Now, it’s all about “experiential wellness.” You can’t throw a biodegradable glow stick without hitting a chakra realignment tent or a kombucha-infused sound bath. Expect to emerge from a weekend festival with a sunburn, a new moon sign, and a vague sense that your aura is either thriving or on fire.

4. Secret Sets No One Can Find (Including the Artists)

The more obscure the performance, the more clout you gain for “accidentally” witnessing it. Was it a Canadian noise artist playing underwater gongs at sunrise? A Swedish DJ whose entire set was inaudible by design? Doesn’t matter—you were there, allegedly, and that’s what counts.

5. Food Trucks Serving Existential Dread

Yes, you can get hand-pulled noodles from a solar-powered tuk-tuk or an $18 gluten-free taco that may or may not contain actual food. But the real flavor comes from questioning all your life choices while standing in line for cold brew behind someone in a full latex bodysuit named “Moonbeam.” Delicious.

6. AI DJs and NFT Wristbands

Because nothing screams "collective human experience" like a robot remixing Fleetwood Mac while your entry bracelet mines Dogecoin. Some festivals now offer an immersive metaverse experience, which is ideal if you want to simulate communal joy while alone in your apartment with a VR headset and three dead succulents.

In Conclusion:

Festival culture has always been about music, self-expression, and low-grade heatstroke—but now, it’s also about curated eccentricity and performative enlightenment. Whether you're in it for the vibes, the selfies, or the chance to do yoga next to a man named “Cosmic Dave,” one thing’s clear: you’ll leave covered in glitter and mystery bruises, and wondering how on earth you spent $600 on vegan nachos and crystal readings.

Happy fest-ing.